Why can't I be a normal drinker?

Ever wondered why the notion of being a "normal drinker" weighs heavily on so many of us? Join me, Meg, as I share my personal journey through the maze of societal expectations and personal realisations around alcohol consumption. From questioning my own drinking habits to the pivotal moment of embracing a sober lifestyle, this episode unpacks the unrealistic aspirations many harbour about drinking without consequences. Through heartfelt introspection, I reveal how alcohol impacted my personal relationships and overall well-being, leading to the liberating decision to pursue a life filled with genuine joy and purpose—free from alcohol.

This episode brings to light the transformative power of feeling emotions in their rawest form rather than numbing them with substances.  Whether you're contemplating moderation or complete abstinence, we invite you to reflect on your own experiences with alcohol. Your suggestions are welcome for future topics and guest appearances, as we explore what it truly means to thrive without alcohol.

MEG

Megan Webb: https://glassfulfilled.com.au
Instagram: @glassfulfilled
Unwined Bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub
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Small group coaching: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching


BELLA

Web: https://isabellaferguson.com.au
Insta: @alcoholandstresswithisabella
Bi-Yearly 6-Week Small Group Challenges: Learn more: https://www.isabellaferguson.com.au/feb-2025-challenge
Free Do I Have A Drinking Problem 3 x Video Series: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/JTFFgjJL/checkout
Free HOW DO I STOP DRINKING SO MUCH Masterclass: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/7fvkb3FF/checkout
Online Alcohol Self-...

Chapters

• 0:00 Reframing Normal Drinking Mindset
• 13:14 Embracing Feelings, Living Fully

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:33

Hello everyone and welcome to Not Drinking Today podcast. It's Meg here and I'm doing an episode solo again. I did one a few weeks ago on a bit more of my journey and how I got to where I am now my trauma, my beliefs, core wounds, that kind of thing. Today I have a short and sweet podcast episode for you, but it's something I hear a lot and it's something that was really life-changing for me. When I had a look at it I thought I'd actually focus on one of the beliefs I had that I've had to really tackle, and it's something that a lot of my clients bring up.

Speaker 1: 2:25

I hear it quite often and it is why can't I be a normal drinker? I thought that a lot on my journey. You know it's not fair. Why can't I drink like other people? Why do I have to be someone that stops All those sort of things? And then it was only recently that I started to question well, what is a normal drinker? Who am I actually comparing myself to here? Is a normal drinker? Who am I actually comparing myself to here? Because once I started looking into it, I thought I don't want to be a normal drinker. That's not what I felt I was missing out on. So what is a normal drinker? I started by looking at that question and if you go with the guidelines, you know it's different in each country. But a normal or a responsible drinker is someone that doesn't drink a lot. In fact, in some places it's someone who drinks nothing. So no, I didn't want to be a normal drinker in that way. I didn't want to have one drink, I didn't want to have 14 units a week or seven units a week, whatever. Whatever the guideline was.

Speaker 1: 3:48

So when I was saying, why can't I be a normal drinker, I realized, well, I don't want to be that kind of a normal drinker. So then I started to think what is it that I'm saying? What is it that my clients are saying to me when they say that? And I figured out that what I wanted was to actually just continue on the way I had been drinking, with no consequences. And that's what I was calling a normal drinker. Why can't I continue drinking like all the other people who drink a lot and continue to drink a lot? That's what I was saying. Because the only thing really separating me from someone else that drinks too much over the guidelines, or alcohol use disorder, or whatever you want to call it. The only difference is I had decided that I'd had enough.

Speaker 1: 4:48

So a normal drinker to me would have been me continuing to binge when I wanted, have big nights when I wanted, drink as much as I wanted when I wanted, but not making a fool of myself or not falling over again or not drunk texting. But these are actually things that do happen when you drink too much alcohol. So I could have continued on drinking, I could have, and sometimes I would have been okay. Sometimes I wouldn't have done those things, but sometimes I would. But always I'd wake up with a hangover. Now I didn't even think I got hangovers in the end, but actually the way I felt bar was so low that I just accepted that as normal. And it wasn't until I stopped drinking that I realized I had been feeling like crap for so long. I just started to say I don't get a hangover, no, because I was in a permanent state of a hangover.

Speaker 1: 5:53

So I wanted to be a big drinker. When I chose, without any consequences, I didn't want to binge, eat with it. I didn't want to say the wrong thing to people when I was drunk. I didn't want to make a fool of myself, but I wanted to be able to continue drinking. So that is what I meant when I said why can't I be a normal drinker? But with that came a really big light bulb moment, because I was comparing to something that isn't real. What I was comparing to was actually to people who drink a lot and choose to continue to drink a lot. The only difference between us is that I choose not to, and so when I got to that point, I realized I have a choice. I can continue doing this, but there are reasons that I don't want to.

Speaker 1: 6:46

And what were those reasons? There were a lot of them. I didn't want to drunk text. I didn't want to ruin friendships by saying stupid things. I didn't want to fall over. I didn't want to make silly decisions. I didn't want to react rather than respond. I didn't want my kids to see me drunk. I didn't want them to feel fear. I did want to live my purpose and passion, and what I realized was I could not do that with alcohol in my life any amount of alcohol, because even a small amount of alcohol if I had managed to moderate which that's another topic and we've spoken about this on here I can't moderate, even if I had been able to. One drink affects our sleep, so one drink and I'm not performing at my best. One drink also increases the risk of cancer. There's just so many things that even one drink does.

Speaker 1: 7:46

So I decided screw being any type of drinker. I want to be a non-drinker because I want to give myself the best chance at having the best life possible, achieving all my dreams, my purpose, my passions. I want to feel real joy, not artificial joy that comes from putting a poison in my body. If I want to get a really big high, I'll go on a roller coaster, which I love, you know, I'll do things that are true feelings that became really, really important to me, and so I made a choice to stop drinking. I wasn't told to stop drinking, I wasn't forced to stop drinking. I just knew that drinking alcohol was preventing me from living my best life, and therefore I chose to stop, and chose, or choice, is the thing, it's the key here. I could have chosen to keep going. The thing with alcohol is, though, tolerance does grow, and that happens for all humans, so it was always going to get worse, and I just put a stop to that.

Speaker 1: 9:01

So now, whenever someone says to me. I wish I could be a normal drinker. I ask them and I ask you what is a normal drinker to you? And when I came up with the answer? Well, maybe society says a normal drinker is someone that drinks within the recommended guidelines. I didn't want that. I do not understand it. I do not want it. I do not want to have one drink a day max, or two drinks three times a week. So I ask you, what is a normal drinker to you? Get really honest with yourself, because when I looked at it I realized normal. Normal drinking to me why can't I be normal is why can't I drink a lot and get away with it? So ask yourself that question, dig deep, because it really helped me be so happy with my choice and really be able to acknowledge that I can be a normal drinker. But I choose life, happiness, joy, purpose, passion. I choose real feelings. I choose the good, the bad and the ugly. I choose all of that over alcohol.

Speaker 1: 10:17

And just touching on moderation again, I had to have a look at the difference between normal drinking, which is what I've just spoken about, and moderation. So I did look into moderation and, as I said, we have got some episodes on that. For me, moderating was worse. It was worse than just being a big drinker. Moderating means well. It means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

Speaker 1: 10:46

When I tried moderation it looked a bit like this I am not going to drink on weeknights, I will just drink Friday and Saturday night and that kind of lasted. For well, I could do that on and off, but Friday and Saturday were massive, so it wasn't like it was a healthy choice. It also looked like I won't drink till 6pm and all that meant was I just stayed up later to fit in the drinking time. It meant I'll go to an event and I'll have two or three drinks and I spent the entire night thinking about my next drink or how to pace myself. There was no fun in it.

Speaker 1: 11:29

So initially, when I looked at moderation as maybe an effort to be normal, I realized very quickly that there was nothing normal about it. It drove me insane. It drove me insane. It took so much effort to try and drink moderately. It took up all my thinking time. There was no freedom in it and there was no pleasure in it. I didn't get pleasure out of being a moderate drinker and it was only after I realized that that's actually not what normal meant for me. That was, like I said before, what the guidelines suggested.

Speaker 1: 12:11

So I ask you, you know, how many people do you know that are moderate or normal drinkers? And when I looked at that in my life, the ones who drink in moderation now always drank in moderation. They might have had the odd big night, but they weren't. They were. They were able to drink moderately most of the time, and that's something I never experienced. I was a binge drinker from the beginning. So when I started to look at that, I realized there weren't a lot of people in my life that drank moderately and if they did, that's how they always drank. A lot of people in my life drank to excess, and so that's what I was comparing my normal to. Why do I have to stop? And they don't. And all it came down to was choice, and this is my choice. And they don't. And all it came down to was choice, and this is my choice. No alcohol, obviously.

Speaker 1: 13:14

With no alcohol and not numbing comes feelings and we have to learn to feel those feelings and work through them and the tools I've learned, which I have spoken about before, just to be able to feel and move through. It is the most amazing thing ever, because I get to experience every high and low in life and then I get to work through it in a healthy way. No more numbing out, no more constantly feeling sick, no more avoiding these feelings, which is pretty much what I've done is just avoid feelings Now's. Now I can feel the high of the highs, and I couldn't feel them before. Joy actually left my life with drinking. So the other side of alcohol is learning to feel everything, loving some of it and then the bits you don't. Learning to get through that.

Speaker 1: 14:04

I use a lot of breathing techniques. I've done a lot of self-healing and personal growth and there are so many tools and tactics that I use in my coaching and I know Bella does too and they're things that we use that we know are so effective and we can experience life now. So no more, no more wanting to drink like a normal person or another person. This is me, this is my life and this is what I am choosing. I'd love to hear from you and hear what you think of what you think a normal drinker is, and also let us know if you've tried moderation and how that went for you and please get in touch with us if you want us to cover any other topics. Bella and I can do a show together, individually, or we can have guests on, so give us some suggestions. We'd love to hear from you. Bye.