The Not Drinking Alcohol Today Podcast
Meg and Bella discuss the ups and downs of navigating an alcohol free life in Australia's alcohol centric culture. This highly rated podcast, featuring in Australia's top 100 self improvement podcasts, is a must for those that are trying to drink less alcohol but need some motivation, are curious about sober life or who are sober but are looking for some extra reinforcement. The Not Drinking Alcohol Today pod provides an invaluable resource to keep you motivated and on track today and beyond. Meg and Bella's guests include neuroscientists, quit-lit authors, journalists, health experts, alcohol coaches and everyday people who have struggled with alcohol but have triumphed over it. Our aim is to support and inspire you to reach your goals to drink less or none at all! Meg and Bella are This Naked Mind Certified Coaches (plus nutritionists and counsellors respectively) who live in Sydney.
The Not Drinking Alcohol Today Podcast
Ali Burke's Amazing Path to Sobriety: The Power of Sharing Our Story to Give Hope to Others
As Ali says "if I can kick the booze, anyone can!" Ali, a beacon of strength and resilience, provides hopes to others trying to quit alcohol as she bravely shares her life’s story and path to sobriety.
Ali talks about her childhood, relationships and the poignant moments that led to her awakening to get sober and stay sober. Ali's story is a stark reminder that addiction isn't about a lack of willpower—it's a battle against something that's chemically designed to be habit-forming.
Ali regained trust in herself without alcohol holding her back. Filled with hope and determination, Ali's story reinforces the power of personal storytelling, self-determination, and the vital role of a supportive network in overcoming addiction. Through her courage, Ali nudges us to take control of our lives, make healthier choices, and step towards a happier future.
Follow Ali on insta: @idontdrinkfullstop
MEG
Web: https://www.meganwebb.com.au/
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/meganwebbcoaching/
Unwined Bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub
ConnectAF group coaching: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching
BELLA
Web: https://isabellaferguson.com.au
Insta: @alcoholcounsellorisabella
Bi-Yearly 6-Week Small Group Challenges: Learn more: https://www.isabellaferguson.com.au/feb-2025-challenge
Free Do I Have A Drinking Problem 3 x Video Series: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/JTFFgjJL/checkout
Free HOW DO I STOP DRINKING SO MUCH Masterclass: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/7fvkb3FF/checkout
Online Alcohol Self-Paced Course: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/fDzcyvWL/checkout...
On the Not Drinking Today podcast, we are meeting Allie Burke. Not so long ago I woke up to the kind of email that just sets my heart alight, that inspires me just to keep on doing these podcasts. Allie was offering to share her awesome sobriety story with us here. In Allie's email she said I'm a 53-year-old and mum to a beautiful and sometimes salty 18-year-old daughter. I am two-year sober and loving life. I just want to shout from the rooftops on how ditching alcohol has improved my life. There is work to be done on ourselves which keeps us from quitting. It's scary, but such a gift to ourselves to stop the loop of alcohol and stop giving it so much credit. It's Allie's story, the story we're about to hear, which can change lives. It can save lives, can inspire someone out there to stop wasting another day caught in the alcohol loop. My clients, listeners, new people that are joining are just so lucky to have you here, allie. It's hope in a podcast for people, so a big, heartfelt welcome.
Speaker 2:Wow, thank you so much. It's a vow. I really appreciate it, Thank you.
Speaker 2:Listen to your story. This morning I went for a walk up a beautiful hill and listen to. And this is how we sort of get to this point in sobriety where you listen to other people's stories and just think you know, wow, like there is light at the end of the tunnel of trying to navigate should I or shouldn't I drink today? And to just take that out of the equation makes it so much more freeing, because you know, as you'll hear, I was just stuck in that, trying to moderate loop or just trying to quit loop, or should I drink today, shouldn't I?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, oh, I'm thrilled you mentioned my story in the podcast as well, because and you probably can remember as well being in that position when you're in the throes of alcohol that declaring it publicly on a podcast is the furthest thing from your mind, because there's so much horrible stigma attached to sharing a story. But then once you do it, it's so freeing, right, it's such a good feeling Absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Allie, you know I can sense there's a big story here. What was, what's your story when it comes to how alcohol found its way into your life and became a problem, something that you needed to get rid of in your life?
Speaker 2:Yeah, like most, I'm 53, so I was brought in, brought up in the. You know teenage years was in the 80s, so there was pretty limited rules around ID and drinking and you know I used to go to the shops and buy mum cigarettes for her. You know, back in the day you just didn't even need. It was very much a free range place to be, which was, you know, I'm kind of grateful for in a lot of ways. So my brothers, you know, played volleyball, but I'm the youngest of seven.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a big family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've got a twin brother and there was always that sense of not that sense of abandonment, low self-worth, because you know, being there, I used to sort of joke the runt of the litter, kind of funny now because of the work that I do now, as with animals. But you know just that. You know, look at me, look at me, and just never having that little girl sort of acknowledged or recognized. So alcohol was for fitting in. I did play volleyball and you know that sort of kept me sober in a sense because you know you're training and like it gave me a sense of purpose.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then once I finished school, then I left in year 11, so I finished in 1986 or 16 and took off to Broome and you know my dad owned a tavern, actually when I was sort of a younger teens, but I didn't really. I actually learned to roll cigarettes and smoke before drinking as much, which is terrible because I was. I had childhood asthma and again the abandonment issues was hospitalised, you know, sitting in hospital and wanting your mum and crying and things like that. And then I bloody take up smoking, even though it makes you feel like shit, and I just you know the things that I didn't want to do I just did it anyway because of that fitting in. And again, in the 80s you could literally smoke anywhere on a bus or plane, in the shops.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's the 80s and I was actually thinking about this this morning. Not to interrupt, but just that you know how risk taking behaviours really can become your way of getting attention, and it certainly was mine that that I, you know, suddenly found that I could get that accolades from my group as a teen because I was I don't know the staying power or risk habits. It wasn't just alcohol or smoking, but all sorts of things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I get it. I mean, all the cool kids, you know, let's face it, they all smoke to drink, so everybody wants to be the cool kids in school. I mean, I was like 33 kilos, I found an old, so I never had any changes or anything like that. But just my nature, my high metabolism, I was so, so skinny, so teased for being skinny, which you know. But then to try and sort of counteract that, then you'd be thinking, oh well, I'll start smoking, or you know, it's just such a tomboy because I literally was so skinny, I didn't have the curves like all the popular girls and yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So then when alcohol came along it was like, oh, it made me feel sexier, prettier, funnier and, as you say, the risk taking, I was still very much not in in the any boys eyes in a romantic sense, so that that sort of I was. So I'm such a tomboy, I've got brothers, so you know, I sort of put it in that way because I'd, you know, go to there and we'd play music and you know, in the old days you record stuff on the radio. So yeah, I kind of got in the other way, not as in a romantic sense to boys, to way after a left school. Yeah, so I sort of left school and then traveled with a girlfriend whose parents I undertaven with my dad, and I mean she was just a year older than me but my gosh, she looked 21 and we were 16 and she was 17. Like a blonde hair, big boobs, like exactly what I was not yeah, and she must have been getting attention that was too much for her young self.
Speaker 2:She was active, way, way, way too young. But, yeah, whereas me I was just like. No, I'll just be the funny one, the tomboy, the deflector, the drinker, you know like all those coping mechanisms that anything to say. So I'll do anything other than you know get involved, because I just was so, I just had no self-esteem, Like I didn't think that anybody would want me anyway. So I just yeah, like the other avenues of you know fitting in, which is playing pool and driving trucks and you know all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, we went there and then came back and sort of did fall back into the well, I'm sort of a young adult now and you know, us drinkers, we just find people that drink and party the same, if not more, because people like my volleyball friends, my high school friends, you know, they just didn't have that can't stop, like me. I just took it to the next level, you know, whereas they'd be like, oh no, you know anyway. So yeah, just met a guy and just partied. He was slightly older than me and that's sort of where it sort of settled in for me, which was, you know, smoking pot or marijuana.
Speaker 2:And you know we were doing recreational drugs. You know that was fun until it's not so we sort of were going out and then all of a sudden I just had this massive jealousy, because that comes for you, and now we all know that. You know jealousy anyway for me I'd never because I've never had a boyfriend, I guess but that sort of crept in relationship. And so then I would drink to escape those thoughts of like, oh my God, he's staring at that girl, oh my God, he's only watching that movie because of that actress. Like just it was crazy in my head. Yeah, I didn't join the dots, so I just drink, drink, drink, drink to try and get rid of that noise.
Speaker 1:Or that uncomfortable feeling that jealousy creates. It's such you don't know what to do with those feelings. When you're young. It's so overwhelming you feel like it's gonna. You'll lose control. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Speaker 2:So eventually, and of course I pushed it away. I pushed him away to the point where he's like, well, you know what, if you think I'm gonna, if you think I'm sleeping with girls, well then I will. And so therefore he did, and then that just destroyed me. So I would have been in my early 20s and, yeah, it really took. Alcohol again was my only source of knowing what to do was to drink. I did sort of have therapy on and off over the years for, you know, for low self-esteem issues and things like that, but when that happened, it was, it was pretty awful. Actually. I went to a pretty dark place and just drank myself into oblivion.
Speaker 1:Oh, gosh, yeah, yeah, sorry to hear that, because it's so. You're so young at that age Exactly.
Speaker 2:But you know again, culturally, that's all we you know. It's like oh well, if you can't get over to get over someone, you get under someone. And of course, the only way I could do that is if I was drunk. Yeah, I just literally would never go up to a guy sober and go. Hey, hi, my name's Ali.
Speaker 1:What are?
Speaker 2:you going to do, yeah, something like that. I mean, we just put ourselves in risky. So nightclubs, you know, anything that involved alcohol or a party, I was there and I was always the last one up, I was always the instigator, because I thought you know, my, even my own family were like, oh you know, my mum would sort of say to her friends oh, this is Ali, she's the youngest, she's the wild child, she's the wild boy. And I'm thinking, oh, okay, well, that was sort of fitted for me at the time. But really, deep down inside, I'm like, no, mum, I'm actually a scared little kid that is just using alcohol to numb out or to try and be popular and trying to fit in, and it works until it does. And I guess, so, yeah, I did that for. And then I just sort of discovered that, yeah, so when I left that relationship, I ended up putting myself. I started working in the mining industry, which, you know, basically get paid to drink.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's such a big drinking culture.
Speaker 2:It fitted me because I am a tomboy, I was a lead it. I had that programming in my head. That you know, ali the tomboy, ali the party girl, ali, I used to say the wild one, the wild one was Ali, alcoholic Ali. That was a ha ha ha. Oh, there's labels. Oh, the labels yeah.
Speaker 2:The labels have literally lasted until, you know, two years ago. But yeah, so I got into the mining industry and that was again, yeah, it was just, it fitted me, fitted me perfectly because I could drink. I was hanging around blokes, I was traveling the WA, escaping, running away, and then once I sort of they brought in drug and alcohol screening and I went, oh well, I'm out. Oh, you tapped out. At that point, yeah, it was the most well-paid job until now that I had. But I was like, how dare they drug test me when I'm on my week off? I'm like hello. So I literally put alcohol and pot before my career.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you know you've said that you chose alcohol over the job, but I guess at that point, before you'd even contemplated life without it, there would have been such a great fear around having to exist without you know having those co-. Courage, yeah, the courage, the courage is it you? Know to even start thinking about it.
Speaker 2:Oh, 100% Like it. Just even now I kind of have to pinch myself because I never, ever thought that me could ever be. I don't drink. Yeah, it just was not in my, my world, because also everybody buddy drinks.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, yeah. How many sober people would you have known at that point, were you?
Speaker 2:Well, we used to say never trust anyone that doesn't drink.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've said that before I feel so bad.
Speaker 2:And I was always the one. Oh, come on, you know, because you know young, you just don't know any different. And, of course, the people that you hang around with were why. Or if that you know, let's get smashed.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, oh yeah, let's go to the uni bar. Let's go to the uni bar, or look, it was all.
Speaker 2:Alcohol was part of everything, like you have a party for one in your home. As long as you had booze then you could do it anyway and you'd think, oh, I'm having fun.
Speaker 2:So so, yeah, once I left that I was working for my brother landscaping again, I could drink the boys under the table drive home. I did lose my license three times, through alcohol, obviously, but it just. And then you do all the right things to get your license back, right? Oh wait, you know. So you do you have to do it because you need your license. And then, as soon as like even the day that I lost the last time I lost my license, they actually gave me a fine greater than the time that I lost my license. So in my mind, it was a real win, because I'm thinking I was going to lose it or potentially go to jail, but they only. I only had my license taken off me for 10 months, I think, and it was a big fine, yeah, so instead of having, say, you know, a 12 years suspended license and then only pay $500, it was the other way around. It was like $1500 only 10 months.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I straight from the courthouse to the pub to celebrate. Oh yeah, I escaped. I'm like you know, like just still didn't even add up.
Speaker 1:So it still wasn't a sign, Like losing your license wasn't a sign.
Speaker 2:That was like yeah, I touched the system. Yeah, we can like let's party and go back literally straight into let's celebrate, so yeah, but I mean, look, as I said, it's been 40 years that I drank heavily and to the point of you know oblivion, and so now you know that's what I mean. There's so many stories that one could go into.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we could have hours, probably, of talking about all of the moments, but, ali, if you were just to talk to, I guess how bad it got towards the end, which would have been the precursor to you having that voice that said all right, let's do something about this.
Speaker 2:Well, I sort of had that. It's always been inside of me, like it was always that you're better than this or you know like, because I'd go back to diaries and things like that and it was always like don't drink today. If you didn't drink and all you'd have like I do sort of some sort of courses and it'd be like what's the, what's the thing that you would see in your future. It always went back to alcohol and I again it is. But I, it was there, it was always inside of me to be thinking this is, you're better than this, you know. So I had a. I did get married and we had a little funny moon baby, maya. So she came along and then I did get postnatal depression and I tried to lie to the you know six week nurse to say, oh, I'm fine, I'm fine. And she's like, yeah, no, you're not, yeah, she wasn't hurt, she's an older lady and she's like, honey, you're a screaming postnatal. But of course, this denial, no, no, no, I'm fine.
Speaker 1:So drawn yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I guess I can't be, you're supposed. I mean I was 35 when I had her. So I guess part of my identity was like there goes the party girl my life's over because now I've got this child. So then just hormonally, you know, I just I got postnatal, so I did end up going on because I got to a point where we bought a property and we were quite remote, so it just gave me a license to like even having her young when she was a baby. We moved and just my only way of coping was like if she had a sleep or you know, play school bless, play school through clock, that would be right. Mummy, crack a drink, have a cone? Yeah, thank God, you know. And then wait for the husband to get home and it's like okay, your turn.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So and he wasn't coping either, so both of us were really drinking our way into navigating a new parenting. Thank God she was a good sleeper, because you know yeah so that sort of. That was a pretty good rock bottom. But again I just kept going, yeah, well, I still like, oh, I just blame the hormones, I blame everything else, not alcohol. Yeah yeah, didn't join the dots, you know, well, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in a way, it's no wonder that you did it. We all did it, because being the party girl was part of that identity. You know, even when you were so young, just being called the wild one, or maybe that's what gave you attention. And it's really hard to let go of all of that, particularly now, cause always been there to pick you up when you needed it. So it's all very confusing. Even it's not so confusing now. When you're looking back, you can sort of pick the part where it's not the worst heading.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, me personally, I just didn't join like especially even like having a baby and stuff like that. I couldn't wait for her to come off the breast. So I could, you know, here go, mum, baby sit, so I could go back to being that identity of like, oh, ellie's back, you know, self forgiveness, because, yeah, there was times where I just resented her because and also boredom, you know as young, stay home mums.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, it's pretty dry. Yeah yeah, screen feed exercise like repeat. It's very challenging isolating, you know, an older being an older mum, or so I kind of yeah, I just thought what is this? What it's about?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, quite resentful, without you know, being honest, I was. You know I had ended up having one child. I had three miscarriages. All of those were not dealt with.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And the last one was pretty awful had to be hospitalized and we literally I went from hospital to the pub, not for me to drink, but the ex and we, even as a family, like in my own family and his family no, we didn't talk about it, it was just like, oh well. So, when we got home from the as I said, we lived on a farm like a property I literally drank myself into oblivion to sooth that pain. It was awful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it sounds like a really hard time lonely isolating.
Speaker 2:And I didn't have any support from him because I think that he had male postnatal, you know, and he's a massive drinker. So I got married and then you know, he's a huge drinker. There was lots of red flags and it was just like, oh, I've just squished that I can change him and again, like on reflection, like I always thought that his alcohol I focus more on his drinking than my own because my drinking I was never. I was always the same. I was always happy, fun, flirty, until the next day when I'm cranky, irritable, tired and a bitch. But nobody knew that, except for him. Pretty much. I presented well, but I honestly I've never been that some people have like pseudo when I drink I get. They give themselves that I've got a heather or I'm a Karen. I was never that.
Speaker 1:What you saw is what you got what you got, and it sounds like you were doing absolutely the best you could. Yes absolutely, and it also sounds like because you were so upbeat and happy and sort of, the facade on the outside was holding it all together. It just wasn't providing opportunity for anybody else to step in and say, alright, what do you need? How can I help you?
Speaker 2:In our marriage we had. I mean, I bought all the Dr Phil books. I do like them. You can't change what you don't even know.
Speaker 1:I used to love Dr Phil too.
Speaker 2:I know I love it because he's just so like yep. So we did the relationship rescue. Oh my God, it wasn't even take alcohol out. That's the problem. But honestly, it was everything else but alcohol, but alcohol. Neither of us really thought well, we couldn't live without it. This is the way we cope. What will we be without alcohol in our marriage? We'd probably still be married, I don't know. But what I say, all the books and you know, far out, it was like there's just one solution here and it's well. There's one big problem and it's called alcohol. The solution is stop drinking, and it just didn't brick and compute.
Speaker 1:There's no role models for you. There weren't any people out there not drinking. They're the people you don't trust. I mean I had never seen anybody living a really you know, I'd seen sober people, but not people that I thought were really cool or having an awesome life or anybody that admired I wanted to be awesome. So you know again, I get it, I completely get it, but gosh, such resources that you had there like it sounds like you're that sort of inner seeker, so you know writing in your diary.
Speaker 1:Stop drinking, you're better than this.
Speaker 2:Praying to the world. I did get hit with the therapy for cigarettes. You're looking, you know, I always was. I just there was just something there that was just like you know intuition, now know what that means. That gut, you know, even in our marriage I used to come home and I just was anxious, like I would literally come home and go to the toilet and come back out and because I was so anxious I didn't know what type of move my husband was going to be in, whether he was sober, whether he was happy, sad, mad, and I did.
Speaker 2:Again, I, just your gut is the most it can be so important to connect with. But again, you know, like over the years, and there you know you should meditate and I'd be like, oh, if I couldn't meditate, like I had such a monkey brain, like I had all these things, I was getting reiki. You know you're always searching. I was been searching forever to try and to stop this cycle or stop this habit, and it was alcohol, which I just didn't even realize. That's actually what I wanted to stop, but I masked it with, you know, cigarettes, or I don't know, it's because I've got a kid, or I don't know any excuse. Write a book of excuses, like we all put that alcohol and you know, as we know, with any grace that's how I sort of started with being inquisitive was because it's designed to be addictive, it's designed to walk you in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah it's not our fault. It's not our fault. It actually did its job. Yeah, and it did it really well. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I look I can remember with that very first time I had read somewhere would have been Annie Grace, I'm sure, where she similarly said it is not you Like, it's not your fault, and I was like, oh, and then hearing about the science of what it chemically does to alter your brain and why it is you're seeking it like, you're wanting it for all of these different reasons, and then you get. You get habitually hooked in and chemically hooked in. Yeah, that was a real game changer for me and it sounds like it was the start of it for you, was it Ali just?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so.
Speaker 2:I just, yeah, like in answer to your question that I kind of didn't answer about with the getting to the like, you know the reasons why. What got me to sobriety was, you know, I finally ended the marriage in 2019 through pure helplessness and just enough's enough, I can't do this any longer. So, yeah, we did, that was 2019. And that was really courageous and brave. Like I'm such a people pleaser and such a oh, I can't do this. And we had fun. We had three homes, so there's a lot of reasons in my mind that I couldn't leave or we couldn't break up, but we finally had an honest chat with one on one to each other and just said, look, oh, we just prolonging the inevitable because you're clearly not happy. He's, he's alcohol use was, it was, it was bad and he suffers. Mr Preston was having mental health issues. So it was.
Speaker 2:I just couldn't do it any longer because I had my own body mental health issues. I was working at a dog shelter and euthanizing and getting bullied by boss. I just had all this shit piling on top of me and, of course, alcohol was my crutch, and then, of course, we all know we're not sleeping. And then so, yeah, we got to a point where we sat down and said enough's enough. And my worst fears. Initially it was a mutual separation, like yep, no worries, and then it quickly turned into the worst nightmare. It just went. It was my worst fears coming true. But you know, you face a fear, you've got to do it anyway. So, yeah, I went through a really tumultuous. It's still sort of going on now, but it's yeah. I basically left and then party girl Ellie was back in the scene my old friend or new friend or same friend. Alcohol, hey.
Speaker 1:I'm here.
Speaker 2:Yay Well you're back.
Speaker 2:Let's go. And my God, yeah, party lucky was 1999. I know I fought you something in nightclubs thinking I was hot Richie, you know it. Just these false labels, that again, sleeping around trying to find love in all the wrong places that hurt, rejected. You know, girl was very much the center of my life. So, yeah, I was still high functioning, though, as you know, like again, it wasn't the alcohol's fault, it was me and you know. But then it got to a point where I ended up getting so peculiar. I heard a lady on the radio again it was this argument because I could never moderate Like you like you know, to have a drink of wine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what's the point? No, give me the bottle. Or when I'm going to have a drink, you know, like I just couldn't see, I was just never that drink. I drank to get drunk, basically.
Speaker 1:And God knows what it was All of us are seeking when we keep on that obliteration run.
Speaker 2:But it was just like you know that, my reward, my friend, my, whatever the excuse or the reason and so I've kind of got a little bit. You know, as we get older, you know the hangovers and with the, with the marriage breakdown, I wasn't eating properly and I was just just exhausted. So I got, I rang a girlfriend. I was like like I get to a couple of weeks really good, and then by myself on a Tuesday or a bloody Friday or whatever, through the bottle shop, bottle of shampoos, I loved my own bubbles. Yeah, I love the bubbles. That was a well. The bubbles could get your piece quicker, I reckon.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and sort of the happiness was sort of had that kind of aloe or inquiries.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're being. You know it's a little bit of a drink, that's it. You know you've got that the appearances of. You know how they advertise it as well that. You know glass of bubbles and so you do feel that you're a bit special. Yeah, but no, it was just the $5 bottle at the time. I know, even living in France, you know, like I never drank champagne, living in France, go figure, I used to drink bourbon, so whatever, yeah, so I went to the bottle and it just be that. And then the critic you know, you do it again. You're fucking useless, you're. You know why can't you good on, you see that spiral.
Speaker 2:Yeah, every that headspace that it takes up in a critic. Yeah, it's the same one though that says go to the bottle shop, you deserve it. Then it just. You know it's like a backhand compliment. You know it's like, oh, we'll see, you did it. You're freaking the good twin and bad twin. You know, like this wrestling yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like you've got to pull that voice out of your head, don't you?
Speaker 2:And look at it Just tell it to bugger off, yeah, shut up and go away.
Speaker 2:So I rang a girlfriend, I reached out to her and I'd actually sort of forgotten. My friend from high school is, she's actually a trained counselor, but she's into quantum hypnotherapy, so the deepest form of hypnotherapy. So I was like, oh okay. So I rang her and told her look, I can't get out of this cycle. I know that alcohol because I'm sort of writing in a diary and it's all about alcohol. I'm not going to drink tonight. Ali, don't drink tonight. Oh, I'll see. You did drink. So I basically said to her I need help and she said come down and see me. So we did a whole day as I said she's a counselor a whole day of therapy basically.
Speaker 1:What an awesome friend. What a you know. Just to say, that's it, I've got you.
Speaker 2:I've got you come and and just also the wires on why we drink, because I never stopped to think. I just thought it was. You know, it's what we did, escaping on what we did, or numbing. But why do you? Why do you do that? It's because you're in a child. You weren't soothed, you weren't, you didn't feel loved, you felt abandoned. All this rejection. Right, it actually had a voice, yeah, so we cried and wrote down. So she talks. We asked the questions to the subconscious, so we narrowed down, would you ask?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, just like how do I? Because I'd never had this done before. So it was just like you know how do you what's Ali gonna do when she stops? How's Ali gonna not drink? You know what steps can Ali take and I'm in hypnotherapy because I recorded it and I'm like, well, she just doesn't date you the pub or she doesn't hang around with people. It's so funny what your subconscious says. So how can she stay away from you? Know what tools can she use? And it's just my subconscious which is telling you already been in there going well, don't go back to that X or don't go see those friends or those you know, you knew or you knew the answer deep down inside.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's yeah, so I did so I had that that's absolutely an incredible story that you just shared there.
Speaker 1:You didn't need Dr Phil, I did it.
Speaker 2:I was searching. I know we've got it inside of it, just need something to unlock it. And it got unlocked and that was the fourth of June 21. But I did have a wedding to go to and that was on the 19th of June, so I literally left. She must have said something without saying anything verbally, because I didn't drink, like I literally was like you know, flip the switch and then. But then I went to this wedding and I'm like standing there with this no offense to her, but it was really shit champagne and I was drinking it, going, but and I was actually my hand was shaking because I knew what are you doing? Like what the hell? But good old party girl pushed people pleasing Ali.
Speaker 1:Well, continue to drink. Weddings are bloody hard at the best of times, you know, particularly the one, the first events after trying to get over.
Speaker 2:It's kind of like a work colleagues thing.
Speaker 1:So yeah, it was out of birth.
Speaker 2:We were staying the night and I thought it was freezing. I thought, well, you know, I'll just get that drunk, I'll just pass out, and then I'll drive home, you know. So that's pretty much what I did, but I was the last one up, yeah, and then driving home, that feeling of Hopefully there's no police.
Speaker 1:Hmm.
Speaker 2:Oh, my head feels like shit. I feel like just horrible. I was so anxious and that's the last. So then I got home and took a video of myself. Did you do the video?
Speaker 1:Oh, what was that like looking back? What did you do? What?
Speaker 2:the effort you're doing. And then I went. You know what? I remember this feeling because you will never feel this again.
Speaker 1:Oh, respect to you, Ali, for doing it and respect for looking at that video the next day. I don't know if I could have. That's a wonderful tool. It's a and occasionally I say that declines as well to do it, because, yeah, never again. No, no you want to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just don't you. Better than that. Like, come on, like, we know how this goes, we know how this ends, and it would have just been like. All the other times where I've tried to give up or tried to lie, there's always that no, you're not worth it. All people just you know, I'll just go drink because that's part of fitting in and it's a no, no, no, no, no, no. Better than that, I'm better than that.
Speaker 1:Ali, that's really powerful, because were you actually in that state in that recording, telling yourself the next day To change, or what were you telling yourself at that point?
Speaker 2:I was just like see, I was just like look at you, this is how you're feeling, all those feelings that you've just had 40 years of feeling. Do we want to go another 40 years? Amazing, second chance at life. I've got a beautiful daughter who was that. She was at the age where you were. She was 14, 15.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like in between the marriage, you know that, two years of just going hard Like I didn't know, you know this 13 year old, my beautiful girls, out drinking and putting herself at risk, and I'm like, totally oblivious, putting her in Ubers with some you know random guy driving her home because she'd ring me. I'm like, oh no, it's Friday night, you catch your, catch an ear, because literally I was pissed and stoned, yeah, yeah. So then it's a. So hang on, you've got this beautiful little girl. You don't want to be that. Yeah, I'm old enough, you know better, let's do better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And that's the last, and you listened and not to hop on too much about that video. I think it's also really useful because when you're when you're start about to have that first drink and you think you're going to achieve some amazing form, this amazing feeling or you're celebrating and had the best time, it's got to think back to that video and go, yeah, it's actually a shit time.
Speaker 2:It's actually, and now you know, to keep us from it's that, playing the tape forward Bingo.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think that's basically what that was in a sense. You know, I've just thought of it then is that I mean, thankfully I just haven't, I just know I will never drink again. I've been in situations where you know. I mean then I guess after a year of sobriety I did do Danny car, how quit alcohol challenge, because you do need support as much as I had the hypnotherapy and I thought, oh well, I'm cured. Yeah, I think I should go into hermit mode because all of my friends drank and I did. I didn't want to put myself at risk. That's hard, you know I did the wedding, but clever, sounds like it was a say you needed to.
Speaker 2:You have to. You do? You know, if you want to give yourself a real chance, then why set yourself up for failure? When you're doing the same things and then that gives you that, then it just is that white knuckling, dry drunkness and you know who wants to be. Then you've got to change the mindset. So I've kind of come up with this quote you know, I gave up drinking and it's like no, I didn't give up, I gained. Yeah, I didn't give up again. So change that thought like I didn't give up. Hangovers, one night stands, loneliness, bad diet, yeah, all those shitty thoughts. What are you giving up? It's a bit like what was that guy, the smoking guy, alan Carr?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:When I was his book years ago it was like, oh yeah, so you're giving up smoking. You're standing outside in the snow smoking by yourself. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's the same thing. Oh Allie, what have you gained, Like?
Speaker 2:what is the best?
Speaker 1:bits of this amazing life you've created for you.
Speaker 2:So you know, yeah, I just the confidence, the self confidence in like this low self esteem, scared little girl is now confident, I don't know. Yeah, confident, go more into it, clara, present, more present. So I guess, with the hangovers and why we, we get, you know it's getting angry. You know I was in, I was had that victim mentality. Yeah, because I was actually angry at myself. But because when you drop, when you're living constantly hungover, you know you just get to that point where someone cuts you off in traffic or you know I was just being an angry bitch and I never. That's just not me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so to, I guess I've got more patience, I'm a better listener, I'm a better friend, I'm, a hundred percent, a much more better mum. But also, just in my professional life, I've, I've taken a risk and moved. You know, 1700 kilometers away from Perth. I've just started a new job as a senior range out, which in the past it would always, if that word senior, I just would have gone. No, I'm not good enough. Oh, totally do the job. But that's that limiting belief. Yeah, good enough, I couldn't do that. Good on you, allie. Yeah, so that's what I've gained is is the confidence to then pursue and go for things and if I fail, who gives a shit and who gives it? You're trying that.
Speaker 2:It opens up something else to come in the opportunities to even come here to work as a casual, just to just to help. Yeah, I've landed in this place where it's just like wow and also I guess coming here has also helped with. So I'm in the Northwest massive drinking, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:How's that going for you, freak yeah, so don't trust anyone.
Speaker 2:It does a drink. My phone's a bit fire. No, not really, but I can't imagine that You're still in the life of the party, Allie.
Speaker 1:I hope you can so now.
Speaker 2:I'm just learning to do that Like socialize you know, to take a little while to, because I've done 40 years of drinking in pubs. There's a few triggers going on, but also it's not much fun really At the end of the day, while the hell a sober person want to go on a you know, for a beer after work. Look, sometimes, maybe, but anyway. So instead I just I'll take the dogs for a walk up the hill, because after, after knockoff, I never, ever in my whole career, would ever consider walking the dogs or driving after work because I've come home, have a coin, crack a drink, that's all right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, now I'm like oh, I can actually go to shit at five o'clock onwards. Yeah, you've gained time. You've gained about six hours of the day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, totally 100%, allie. You did mention a bit earlier that, or you touched on it really briefly that that ability to trust your gut instinct and that's kind of blown out of the water when you're drinking, you just you've got, you're not in touch with what it is you're drinking, you've got, there's no, you know. That's why you got to seek externally, because you there's no, there's no sense of knowing anywhere. Has that, has that something that's changed for you now, like without the alcohol?
Speaker 2:do you?
Speaker 1:have that amazing well, that sense of trust back in you and your gut instinct is yeah. I'm glad you mentioned that because I, I, we talked about it. So, I'm with this. Danny Kars group.
Speaker 2:I'm with this, I'm with this. We talked about it. So I'm with this Danny Kars group and we talked about it on Sunday Like what I've so with this job and you know, being sober is because, well, I can trust myself now that I'm going to be reliable, present, not running around on empty. So that trust in myself actually permeates, because when I did come up here, as an example, when I came up here, it was only going to be for a couple of months, just to help out, and really what they, what they sensed to me and what I kind of realized when I got here, is that like I was brand new to town and I had to look after the whole city and over Christmas and year I was the lone ranger. Like they never met me and you know the keys to the city right. So not only am I an experienced ranger, but that trust was something that I thought, wow, you know, like that was a little in tune intuition thing. At the time I was just like doing my job, but yeah, moving forward, like six months later, for me to actually apply for the job and for me to actually get the job is like well, that's the trust that they can. They can trust me.
Speaker 2:And I guess in my jobs previously, even though I was high, functioning and things like that, some of my decisions weren't great and that was because I was hungover, angry, married separation, whatever it is that victim. But now, yeah, that I can trust my gut, I'm leading, I'm supporting a team now where before I probably could have done it as a you know, yeah, I just wouldn't have had the patience and as I was still in that mindset of like I feel fix, you know, like I just can't wait to get home and get pissed or using alcohol to. If I was stressed, I could imagine any other day I came home and put the sticky date putting because we did have an incident at work through our own love, but we gave some puppies too much medicine for Ring Room, so I was done out of love. So I knew the universe had my back. But the vet said this could either cure them or kill them.
Speaker 2:Oh, so I was literally leaving the shops and Old Alley would have come home, drank, oh, please, please, and just used alcohol to soothe and think, oh my God, solve that problem. And then so I went home and I cooked a sticky-date pudding. I just had total faith and trust that they're going to be okay. I was already grateful for the next day because I knew they were going to be alive and that's something that's always been in me. But now I don't have this toxic mindset alcohol, whatever. Now I can actually really trust in the process, trust the universe, but, most importantly, trust me.
Speaker 1:I think that's being recognised, that senior Rachel, you said that so well. I could almost say it's like a sliding doors moment, yeah we can see Old Alley the Alley that's meant to be. That's honouring who she should be.
Speaker 2:And I've got to be. You know self-forgiveness of staying in a marriage way too long, not looking after my daughter, not being present. You've got to give yourself and I think meditation helps, where you can ground yourself and just say I'm proud of you and actually believe it. Because if you don't believe in yourself, then nobody else. And I think a lot of my life as a worker they didn't trust, they didn't actually believe in me because I didn't believe in me.
Speaker 2:I was literally functioning as a 15 year old, scared little teenage girl. You know just, I'm living, but now, so that's what I've gained.
Speaker 1:But it's the ultimate, isn't it, Alley? What have you gained? Sorry, I just really cut you off.
Speaker 2:That's all right. That's what I've gained is just this sense of believing in myself and actually believing that, not just saying it and ad-libbing my life, but actually like stopping and recognizing well, man, you've given up alcohol, which I haven't given up. I've ditched alcohol because I haven't. But yeah, just that I'm freaking like I have to pinch myself because me, of all people, really just never, ever thought it would be possible. And now that's why I was reached out to you and other podcasts, because it's just so, if I can do it, if I can give up sorry, not give up If I can say good-bye to alcohol honestly, then anybody can. You just got to give it a crack. It is, yeah, give it a crack.
Speaker 1:What would you say to somebody who might be feeling gosh, caught in a spot where they cannot see the way out and alcohol is a large part of it? What would you say they should do as a first point of call?
Speaker 2:That's a good question, because actually I'm dealing with that now With the yeah. Yeah, they're kind of like okay. The first thing is you have to do it for yourself. Brilliant yeah you have to go, have a look at yourself in the mirror and write a list of pros and cons. But you have to do it for yourself because you know I may. My part X couldn't give it up for our daughter.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we couldn't give it up for each other. We couldn't give it up for ourselves. So if you're ready and you know, just get curious. So write down. Look at your life, look at what does alcohol, what's it taken and what's it gained, and we all romanticize it, so you'll probably have a list there. Oh well, it helps me relax, it helps me sleep? Well, no, it actually doesn't. So do the research and work out. Annie Grace, that was a great book, yeah it's going out.
Speaker 2:It's another podcast. I can't get enough of them because this, as we said at the start, like okay, I'm not a life coach, now I'm not. This because when I started listening to podcasts I was thinking, oh, oh, my God, all these people have given up alcohol. And then they've just written a book or they're now one like an alcohol free thing. They've done all this shit. So hang on, what about me? But you know what? Don't just stay in your lane and look, be proud of yourself, because, again, that's outside of validation, and so that's the tools you just learn to work on. You know the why's and why would you drink? And you know be honest, yeah, all good liars.
Speaker 1:You have really set the way that you summarised what a person should consider as their first steps. You just said that so beautifully, Ally, because it comes from a place of lived experience, authenticity and someone who's been through it and made it to the other side.
Speaker 1:Your story is invaluable and I know you mentioned, you know you see, all these people that do want to go on to become counsellors and life coaches and all the rest of it. But you know that that's one path you can go. But then coming on and bearing yourself warts and all to listeners who are just probably doing those internet searches and they stumble across this podcast and they put it on and they hear your story, Ally, and it's kind of just, it's that new awareness that can change the way they live the rest of their lives. So you know, from me to you, from all of our listeners, I just want to say a heartfelt thanks to being who you are and having the confidence and courage to jump on this podcast and other podcasts. It's a really awesome story, Ally, Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. Thanks a lot for having me.
Speaker 1:You are welcome.
